My favorite color is blue and I like to laugh

I wouldn't be afraid of spiders if I could just talk to them, you know?
Me: Oh, hey whoa, this shower is occupied.
Spider: Omg man I didn't see you there.
Me: We cool?
Spider: Yeah, yeah, we're cool. I'm just coming down to scope out the tub.
Me: Oh, that's legit. Hey, you might wanna move over some--you're descending right into the shower stream and I don't want you to drown.
Spider: Hey thanks, bud. I'll be careful.
Me: So...can I get out now?
Spider: Sure, sure! Sorry I'll just move over here.
Me: Thanks. You have a nice night. Don't come into my bedroom, okay?
Spider: Nah, that's your space. We're cool. Have a great evening.
Source: caffeinatedfeminist via facebrosiff-cora
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sexhaver:

i knew a dude in college who kept an old Smirnoff bottle full of water on his desk and would casually chug straight out of it in the middle of conversations with new people in order to establish dominance

Source: sexhaver via a-storm-for-every-spring
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Source: catlikethief182 via fakeasmile-avertdisaster182

stopharry2013:

I never had a “boys are icky and gross” phase I’ve literally been chasing dick since birth

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beartier:

lava really pisses me off cuz like

i know it could melt my face off but then i see a picture like this and

image

i want to dip my hands in it

Source: beartier via facebrosiff-cora